Tweets for my peeps!

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 8:01 PM
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Carton

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 3:32 PM
Carton

News for Dec 7, 2009

SINCE I HAVE BEEN OVERWHELMED WITH SCHOOL PROJECTS AND HAVE A STOCKPILE OF MSPAINT COMIX I WILL POST SOME THIS WEEK!

also here is a tumblr i made the other day

Follow l/r on twitter!!!

Project Wonderful - Your ad here, right now, for as low as $0.10

Dec. 7th, 2009

  • 5:14 PM
http://www.hulu.com/lexx
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTANLEY

Spam: Auctions, Ho!

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 5:55 PM
I just realized I'll soon have to cover convention expenses for my trip out to Further Confusion 2010 in January, so I'm stepping up the auctioning!

Incoming Auction Link Spam:

New eBay auctions are here! Lots of graphic novels, comics, and other nerdy goodies. Since we've combined our households, [info]suarez and I are selling off duplicates of some pretty great rare stuff we've acquired over the years. Definitely check back, since not only will there be more great comics, manga and GNs up over time, but also toys from his vast collection. And I do mean VAST.

New FurBuy auctions are here! NSFW! Furry comics, adult comics, adult furry comics, the usual. There's some more rarities that should be going up soonish, once I get more stuff scanned.

Not auctions, but check out the Radio Comix Online Store! There's a new issue of Genus, as well as a cute Ben Dunn cat-girl poster that was a warehouse find- we printed them back in 1997, when Radio Comix started! They were unearthed in our last move, a whole box of them! And now, available for sale. More goodies coming here also, again, just have to do some scanning.

And hey, we have free comics you can read, too- you can check them out at this link!

Crossing Running Water.

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 3:40 PM

Slab's First Fist 4: Summon The Hero

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 1:44 PM
Mr. Daisy furiously scrolls for just the right 'toon hero on the message boards.At last! There he is! Flower Man: "MR. BASTARD! MR. BASTARD! COME IN, MR. BASTARD!""Your #1 fan is in trouble!"Bastard: "Quack, quaaa, Squawk, bellow! Berate! Garble!"Translation:"Not Bobby Bigloaf! He's memorized every line of my cartoons! ...and buys my merchandise!"Flower: "Hurry hurry!""He's taking an awful

Kickstarter: UPdate

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 5:22 PM




Everything Dies #1 and #2, the books that will be funded (hopefully) by all of you are almost completed. I have about 15 more pages to complete in Everything Dies #2 and then we are ready to go! Thanks to many generous donors we climbed over $1000 dollars today!

If you are thinking about donating, please do! Donors get a lot of awesome things for donating: comics, original art, subscriptions, AWESOME SHIT! Please donate today!

To keep up with info on Everything Dies and other print comics follow my print production blog, Pages in Sequence.

12/07/09

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 12:45 PM
Sorry for how long the books have been taking, it took a lot longer than it usually does. But I just received the proofs, and the books should be going to print any day now. Hopefully I'll be receiving them in a couple of weeks, and can then start to ship them out.

Left is the full version of the illustration I drew for Tim Rogers's column this month at Kotaku.com. I designed it so that you could lop off the bottom half of the image and only lose the information directly relevant to Tim's column. The top half is available right now as a print from attractmo.de! I'm like an eskimo, cutting up the blubber and letting none of it go to waste

Or I would be, but Kotaku ended up using the top half of the image only, so actually the bottom half is going to go mostly unseen. Still, you and I will know how clever this is, right!

Oh hey, speaking of things people will never see- remember that illustration of Gears Of War's terrible African-American stereotype character Cole Train that Game Developer Magazine paid me to do? The one that sparked that interesting discussion about the depiction of race in videogames in the comments? Well, uh, the publisher pulled it from the mag because he thought it could be construed as 'racist'. That's pretty funny


Behind the cut: the image above in higher-res, cut into two 'wallpapers' for your desktop. The top one was chosen by Kotaku to illustrate the article.

CUT )


Rusty soon to be even more misshapen

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 7:36 PM


Mary Worth, 12/7/09

Believe you me, I plan to follow the Exciting Tale Of Wilbur’s Bastard Son very closely, at least right up until the point when against all odds it manages to become boring (which, this being Mary Worth, could happen at literally any moment). Today’s hilarity comes thanks to Wilbur’s complete and utter lack of filter. I think that most single fathers, if confronted with the possibility that their youthful man-sluttery had living, breathing, school-tuition-requiring consequences, might attempt to compose themselves a bit and have a coherent narrative ready before breaking the news to their college age daughter. They might even try to figure out if the story is true first! But not Wilbur. “Aw, jeez, I think I knocked some broad up, back in the ’80s!” he yelps, no doubt to Dawn’s horror and disgust, as he compulsively rubs his clammy head-skin for comfort.

Mark Trail, 12/7/09

What an awesome time it is for soap opera strips, when poor Rusty pinned under Mark’s four thousand pound station wagon only merits second place in our thoughts! With man’s toolmaking skills down for the count, Mark will be forced to use the lessons he’s learned from nature. “Rusty, you’ll need to make like a trapped fox and chew off your own foot! Quickly, before the pelicans mistake you for a dying fish and attack!”

Gil Thorp, 12/7/09

Meanwhile, Coach Thorp is on the horns of a dilemma! It seems that he’s under pressure to kick notorious public drunkard Duncan Daley off of his team. But Duncan needs the structure and routine of playing football! It’s all that’s holding him together! *cough* Also he’s Milford’s best player *cough* I particularly enjoy today’s panel two, which appears to be footage from the hidden ceiling-mounted camera Gil used to capture Coach Fazio’s moment of humiliation for repeat viewing later.

How can Coach Thorp avoid such a fate? Well, we might start by not calling Prisoner Daley a hypocrite. I mean, are we terribly shocked that the sort of guy who would commit a jail-worthy offense might also be the sort of guy who would instigate a prison fight? I think Gil needs to take the “fighting a bad influence” approach. “Duncan’s brother told Duncan to stay out of trouble. Duncan’s brother is a convicted felon! Do you expect him to take the advice of a jailbird? He had to drink that beer!”

Hi and Lois, 12/7/09

Speaking of drunken teenagers, Chip appears to be in some kind of substance-induced coma! Obviously Lois’s main concern is to get him somewhere out of sight.

Luann, 12/7/09

Each of Luann’s suitors has to have some unspeakably perverted fetish, and now we know Quill’s: elf porn!


The Anatomy of God Fearing Americans

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 9:10 AM
someone sent me this perfect comparison, but I forget who...remind me so I can give you credit!STORIES OF A TRUE AMERICAN




Devious Journal Entry

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 10:53 AM
This guy just needed more attention.


The Gunners Mate
by ~madscott on deviantART

PERFECT CHAIR FORT UP FOR SALE!!

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 11:41 AM
Hey everybody!!! GUESS WHAT???

Threadless printed my design, The Perfect Chair Fort!!!
And since They are having a holiday sale it's only $9 !!!

You can get your very own right here:
http://www.threadless.com/product/2125/The_Perfect_Chair_Fort


i knew

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 11:15 AM
I knew there was an episode of FANTASY ISLAND where Mr. Roark fights the devil. What I didn't know was that this episode stars Adam West, Arte Johnson, and Roddy McDowall as Satan! If that isn't an all-star cast I don't know what is.

Went over to Donald's last night and watched THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THROUGH TIME with David. An excellent film and well worth all the praise; a welcome antidote to the hyper sexualized fetish pandering nonsense that makes me cough and change the subject when the topic of "anime" is brought up.

We were Xmas shopping last night at Eaton Centre and we dropped into the new Johnny Rockets to get a late lunch. We sat down, were handed menus, and were ignored until we noticed that people who came in ten minutes later were having their orders taken. So we got up and left. Shain got curious and noticed our un-ordered-from menus were removed from our table within SECONDS of us leaving. So we're ignored when we're there, but the minute we leave suddenly our table becomes an Issue Which Must Be Dealt With? I dunno guys, if you don't want to serve us, just let us know right away, okay? Save everybody the trouble.

I am looking out the window right now and seeing the first tentative flakes of snow falling on the Toronto area. I repeat very tentative. Somebody upstairs may be sweeping their balcony or something. It can hold off on the snow for a while as far as I'm concerned.

New ZERO FIGHTER is up, and I neglected to mention last week the latest ELEMENT OF SURPRISE was up too. Probably two more ZERO FIGHTER updates until we take our Xmas break.


New Comics Are Up!

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 10:05 AM


New Bureau of Mana Investigation by Smudge!



New Coyote by Mel. White!

And PS, we still have ridiculously cheap Project Wonderful skyscraper ads for sale on the main page and several of the comic pages! Five cents an ad isn't bad at all!

Dec. 7th, 2009

  • 7:37 AM
THE FREE SNOWFLAKE COOKIES HAVE TURNED INTO A MONSTER

WHAT HAS LJ WROUGHT???

Barbie goes Tippi

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 8:20 AM
Alfred Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Doll:

http://www.barbiecollector.com/showcase/product.aspx?id=1003848&t=modern

If I hadn't already gotten my sister her X-mas gift I would get this for her.

sniff sniff sniff sniff

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 5:55 AM
HI GUYS


working on comics HARDCORE lately (many of them are HARDCORE comics!)
it feels good to GET THINGS DONE

also I went DOWN HOME for Thanksgiving and ate a million foods.
but not Thanksgiving foods! better foods.


Bellen! My Nature

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 7:30 AM


It’s just in Ben’s nature. He’s a natural depressive.
There has been some EXCELLENT movement in the kickstarter fundages. I’m starting to think this thing might actually work out. If you are a Bellen! fan, donating to my kickstarter project would be an wonderful way for you to give back for all the “joy” Bellen! has given you over the years.




Dec. 7th, 2009

  • 4:28 AM
I've seen enough bad/unflattering/clumsy burlesque now that anytime someone sends me a link to a burlesque video/show that looks "really cool," unless I knew the person damned well, I assume they have brain trauma and delete it.


Blue Pencil

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 9:45 AM
Blue

********************************************************
COMING SOON:

Glister: The Faerie Host
Out January 4th 2010

Preview here:
http://www.bit.ly/7HQJLM

Extras include:
'Glister Vs The Toll Troll' short story
'Home to Roost' short story
'Glister and the Family Tree' preview

# Paperback: 80 pages
# Publisher: Walker (4 Jan 2010)
# ISBN-10: 1406320501
# ISBN-13: 978-1406320503
£4.99

Glister: The Family Tree
March 1st 2010

********OUT NOW************

Glister: The Haunted Teapot
Preview: http://bit.ly/7oIUVM
64 pages
Walker Books
£4.99
ISBN-10: 140632048X
ISBN-13: 978-1406320480

Glister: The House Hunt
preview: http://bit.ly/4HhSnK
80 pages
Walker Books
£4.99
ISBN-10: 1406320498
ISBN-13: 978-1406320497




THE VENTURE BROS: The Better Man

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 12:01 AM
Okay so we're back after a lil hiatus. LET'S GO!


First up, some Orpheus. He's been scarce this season but finally we get to draw him! Here he is, putting one of those tall candles in the ground. Also Triana.


Publick acted out those top three drawings for me, it was hilarious. I tried to make the facial expressions wide-eyed instead of seductive. The Master is just having fun. And teaching O a valuable lesson.


Teleportation effects! Yeah!! They look badass!!


Until they fall on their face!


Misc. bits and pieces.

Hope you enjoyed the episode!!! Storyboard artists and revisionists pulled thru bigtime as always, there's some really good effects and monsters and all that fun stuff.


Mary Worth, 12/6/09

Every once in a while an installment of one of the soap strips comes along that in my mind wholly justifies the lavish attention I expend upon them. Just the throwaway panel dialogue here would be enough to make this strip an instant classic; “Now on to explore new worlds … in online social networking!” should be the mission statement of some terribly misguided Web consultancy that shows businesses how to set up Twitter accounts that they don’t need. And yet this is just the opening gambit. We feel that we are right there with Wilbur as he makes his perilous roller-coaster ride of Facebook insanity. First, he clenches his stubby fingers into unaccustomed shapes as he prepares for a vigorous social-networking session. Then, upon receiving this mysterious missive, he’s so in awe of it that he reaches his fingertips half-consciously towards the screen, as if he could feel the human connections being created by intangible electrons. Next, he becomes pensive, then slips into anxiety as he contemplates the implication of this anonymous message. (“Someone” warned you about these social networks, Wilbur? I think we all know who among your acquaintances spreads fear about all things newfangled and enjoyable. It’s OK, you can name her, in the safety of your thought balloons!) Then his face brightens a little. Maybe something interesting will be crawling out of the woodwork!

But in the final panel, we tumble headlong into madness. The existence of Dawn has forced us all to acknowledge, at least to ourselves, that Wilbur has had sex at least once. But now we are confronted with the possibility of Wilbur’s wild, swinging past, and while it may enrage and disgust us, I for one plan to get over my initial hesitation and embrace the lunacy. I dearly hope we are treated to flashbacks to Wilbur’s unprotected sexcapades, possibly involving him wearing a leisure suit and having as many as a dozen hairs to comb over his bald spot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/6/09

Well, now that Becka’s runaway oldster adventure has ended incredibly awkwardly, it looks like it’s time for Rex and June to reclaim their comic strip! It appears that their house has been trashed by squatters, which makes sense as they’ve been away for, what, a year and a half now? It would be fun drama if Rex’s beloved ward Nikki were responsible, having turned Chez Morgan into a party pad for his low-life friends (or, worse, his low-life mother), but it’s also possible that Abbey, having been left alone with no one delegated to take her on walks, was the culprit.

This strip offers further confirmation that all cab drivers in Rex Morgan, M.D., are required to wear ludicrously exaggerated ethnic headgear.

Family Circus, 12/6/09

There might be something among this world’s possibilities more horrifying than three smirking Keane Kids thrusting their no doubt filthy feet at you expectantly, but I’d be hard pressed to name it.



Crankshaft, 12/5/09

Remember how I compared Crankshaft’s garden club harangues to endless speeches from a vicious totalitarian dictator? Well, right here, where he finally puts a cap on the seemingly interminable thing with a terrible, terrible play on words that doesn’t even merit the label “pun” — that’s when the repressed masses angrily rise up and overthrow him in a bloody revolt. I look forward to the live television coverage of the hastily convened kangaroo court, and of his execution.

Marmaduke, 12/5/09

“That’s why he’s going to use his long, prehensile tongue to reach down your gullet and extract it half-digested from your stomach! Trust me, it’ll be easier for you if you stop squirming.”


Dec. 7th, 2009

  • 1:02 AM
  • 10:55 @Clawdee Remember, there's no right or wrong way per se, just cliche and boring or original. #
  • 15:38 Me and my sister's boyfriend are arguing over who has the cuter cat. :D #
  • 15:45 @Yamino I assumed it was a device used for smashing things. Really fast. And it'll smell like sweat and pork rinds. #
  • 15:53 @Yamino: GODBERRY!!!! #
  • 22:46 Managed to ink 5 pages in 5 hours. I am amazing. #
  • 22:50 @PinkBatMax Yume, but there is a new Lesian Pirates tomorrow, too! #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Follow me @rosalarian.

Gingerbread Houses

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 2:01 PM


Archive!

Also, we recently added new stuff to our etsy store!

Including these fantastic gift packs by [info]tiny_monster :



And all of our currently available comics can be bought there too!

BUY BUY BUY!



TWITTARED!

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 12:05 AM
Here's what Kristy did today!

And now you know thanks to LoudTwitter

fourteen months

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 9:04 PM

Katie celebrated her 14th month yesterday. Some of her new skills:
- feeding herself (clumsily but mostly successfully) with a spoon. Tonight’s example was ice cream at Max’s — they brought us the dish and she instantly dived in with a spoon in each hand, leaning to get towards it.
- walking while holding hands; if you reach a hand out to her she’ll grab it and walk with you instead of using you as a crutch or trying to veer off. We walked half the length of the mall together this way today, with B on one side and myself on the other.
- identifying her nose. Today, randomly, she looked at me, pointed to her nose, and said, “nose.” I don’t count this one too much until she says nose again, but she can point to it if asked :)
- clap and yay — when she does something well she claps and does an approximation of “yay” (I do this all the time when she does things correctly so I blame myself :) )
- putting things away — she now empties drawers out (old hat) and puts things back (new hat!)
- she can connect her megablocks and her bath toys

It’s sort of wild to me that she can do all these advanced things (I’m pretty sure I say that every month). She isn’t a big talker (in words I understand) but she’s incredibly vocal as well as mobile (she’s a machine going up stairs, can climb down a single stair with ease, and can somewhat navigate a larger group of stairs but her mom won’t let her because she’ll fall down the flight). She loves to eat noodles of all kinds (she can slurp them up), rice, crackers, oatmeal, Mexican food, and continues loving yogurt and cheese.

Today was her first Santa experience and it was … very Katie. She was happy and cuddling in the Ergo the entire time we were in line, but the minute that she saw Santa she SPAZZED OUT. She wouldn’t even sit on my lap when I was on his lap, so we eventually distracted her enough to have me sit next to him and snap a picture with her looking mildly concerned. (Scan to come, once we set up our scanner.)

We went to our friend Riley’s birthday on Saturday and Ava snapped a pic. SIX TEETH OF DOOM! (Only 2 of which are visible):

Tags:



I JUST REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 10:00 PM
I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA BITCH ABOUT DAYS AGO BUT I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS THROUGH MY FEVERISH HAZE.

MERC WITH A MOUTH...4? WAHTEVER ISSUE IT IS WITH THE PRETTY WOMAN PARODY COVER

OMG OMG SO MUCH FUCKING RAGE

WASN'T THIS THE WRITER THAT WAS ALL "I DON'T WANT IT TO BE DEADPOOL AND FRIENDS SO NO BOB OR WEASEL OR BLAH BLAH"?

BECAUSE HE FUCKING
FUCKING
FUCKING WROTE

DEADPOOL POINTED HIS GUN AT AN AIM AGENT AND IT KNOCKS OFF THAT BUCKET HELMET OF THEIRS AND UNDERNEATH THE DUDE'S WEARING AN EXACT MATCH OF A HYDRA COWL, ONLY YELLOW AND STUFF AND DEADPOOL WAS ALL "BOB?!"

AND THE GUY'S LIKE "DUDE NO I'M BILL, AGENT OF AIM."

HOLY FUCKING
SHIT
I AM IN SUCH A RAGE REMEMBERING THIS NOW. AND DEADPOOL WAS ALL "I THOUGHT YOU WERE BACK ON EARTH, BOB, AND DEAD?"

WHAT WHY WOULD BOB BE DEAD HE WAS WITH WADE IN THE PIRATE ADVENTURE BECAUSE DEADPOOL LIKES BOB HE WOULDN'T ACTUALLY KILL HIM LIKE HE SAID HE DID IN THE LETTER TO NORMAN ARGH GODDAMMIT. THEN THEY HAD PRETTY MUCH A REHASH OF THE FIRST TIME BOB SHOWED UP BY HAVING THE GUY COWARDLY AND SOMEWHAT INCOMPETENTLY FLY A SPACE STATION I JUST. FUCKING FUCK

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH
NATHAN JUST SENT ME THIS GIF AND I FIND IT HIGHLY APPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW

I AM GUNNING FOR YOU, MERC WITH A MOUTH
I AM FUCKING GOING TO KILL YOU

BOB IS SRZ BZNS TO ME

okay
i think i need to go to bed now

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 8:18 PM


ALSO YOU ASSHATS BETTER GO TO LASSI'S PARTY COME ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO COME ON

Though I'll prolly go to bed before I tag in lassi with how slow things are going 8I

FREE MAGAZINES: FINAL ROUND

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 9:58 PM


The great Nick Magazine send-off is in the final stretch. Please help me save stacks of magazines from the recycling bin!

Choose from the following:

-Individual stack: 4-5 random issues of Nick Magazine for you, your family, or friends.

-A box of magazines: About 30-50 random issues of Nick Magazine packed in a box. Perfect for schools, daycare centers, and shelters!

-A bound volume: A year's worth of Nick Magazine, nicely bound in a hardcover book for preservation. Perfect for libraries, schools and people who want to help keep an archive of Nick Mag for future generations! Supplies are limited!

UPDATE: We also have a few bound volumes of NICK JR. magazine. This is a great magazine for toddlers and parents of toddlers who like do creative stuff! Lots of recipes, activities, cut outs etc.

Email me for more info: yaytime [at] gmail [dot] com
For the boxes and bound volumes, I need complete addresses and PHONE NUMBERS. Thanks!



[SP] You've Come Far

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 2:26 AM


If there are any problems with the comic or website, or if you have any questions, comments, or complaints you would like to address directly to Randy, please email him at choochoobear@gmail.com.


Tweets for my peeps!

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 8:01 PM
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Der Elvis Weltkrieg

  • Dec. 7th, 2009 at 2:06 AM
more drawings from the DORIS & BOB movie

if you still a havent seen it.
go to my Youtube or Vimeo account:

http://www.youtube.com/user/JohnnyThunderzzz

http://www.vimeo.com/user2414358





at last i got the DVD of MOON
and I must say
it (Sam) Rocks(well)
...
(insert stoopid laugh here)

Crusher Creel

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 8:02 PM


Oh, Crusher Creel, Crusher Creel. What's to be made of you? And no, that's not a joke, sort of. I find myself very fond of this perennial Marvel Comics villain-type, this bullet-headed goof known as The Absorbing Man. For those that don't know, and bless you, and why are you reading this blog, and anyway -- for those of you that don't know, this fellow is called The Absorbing Man because he can become what he touches, by absorbing (aha!) the object's properties and then transforming into said item. He likes to walk around as pictured above, sans shirt (aka, "The Haspiel", circa 1990's-2004 or so, I'd have to check on that with El Dino), prison-issue pants (or a disco slacks fail, not sure which), a pair of plain old shoes and...um...oh, yeah, a wrecking ball. Which is one of the reasons I gravitate towards this ruffian, because he carries a goddamned wrecking ball around with him. Mostly so's he can tap the wrecking ball and become a human wrecking ball, entirely made of steel. Or at least his epidermis is steel, I dunno what happens to sweetum's internals and guts and all that when he goes for the ball, or a brick, or a fluffy kitty. And I don't want to know, nobody should give a rat's ass about stuff like that, especially because if you make enough of a fanboy stink (insert joke here) some Marvel nitwit will write a story explaining it and that's a large part of what fucked superhero comics up in the first place.

Anyway.

I also like that he somehow manages to always find the same pair of pants when he breaks out of prison or recombines after yet another inglorious and idiotic defeat at the hands of (insert Marvel superhero or superhero team here). That's a real talent. That and liberating wrecking balls in whatever town you recombine your particulars in. Nice one, Crusher Creel, thumbs up. Don't know why you can't go to Sears and get a goddamned shirt, but I'm here to praise you man, not harp on you. So, yeah, Crusher Creel, aka, The Absorbing Man (I mention this again in honor of Jim Shooter's imbecilic script for the first Secret Wars series, which, iirc, contains the line, "I, Crusher Creel, The Absorbing Man --" as a means to introduce the villain to the teeming masses of fanboys and men who knew the character's goddamn height and weight because they bought the Marvel Universe Handbook issue which featured him. That would be the "A" issue, by the way, also featuring Arnim Zola, who I hope to blather about someday in my old age). Where was I?

Right about...here. So, okay, I don't actually know this guy's origin, shame on me, I hear you saying. And I hang my head in shame, shame, shame, shame on me. Sorry to let you down here. Can't tell you who he first fought (Thor --? Millie the Model--? John Verpooten --?), what issue he first appeared in, if he has a name other than "Crusher", if he buys his pants in bulk and mails them to friends and family all over the country in case he has to recombine his particulars out of state, if his head always looked like that, if he had a toy wrecking ball as a child -- I don't know. I don't even know if he's a 60's villain or a 70's villain, but he always seemed to be around when I was a kid, and he was always one of the meaner bastards in the Marvel Universe. I mean, unhappy, bitter, angry, violent, in effect, the kind of guy who would call himself Crusher Creel and have a wrecking ball for a pal.

I do recall he's been defeated in myriad gimmicky ways, tricked into touching cardboard and folded up (at least I hope he was folded up, I would have folded him up, it would have been funny if he was folded up and slid into a paper envelope and put away somewhere, the envelope marked "Contents - One (1) Absorbing Man. Warning -- Do Not Open. If Accidentally Opened, Do Not Let Him Absorb Anything! Handle With Paper Gloves Only!"), he accidentally touched glass and fell down and broke, he fell or jumped into water and was all watery and nobody knew what the hell to do and they weren't sure if he was dead or a watery Absorbing Man in the ocean and Hawkeye started wondering about whether or not The Absorbing Man's insides turned into steel when he touched his wrecking ball.

I also can't remember exactly how his powers worked, could he avoid absorbing if he gave the situation a little thought, or was he a human paper towel that had to pick up whatever he touched? Seems that way from the earlier stories ("Crap! I momentarily forgot I was fighting The Avengers and picked my nose! Alack and alas, I am shapeless snot, to be picked up by SHIELD and dumped into a super-cylinder prison they had that just happened to be able to keep me in stasis so I don't touch anything." NOTE: This did not actually occur in a Marvel Comic, I was just wishing on a star that passed my window). Seems to me a stupid power, if you can't eat anything without physically turning into your McGriddle or whatever. If you put on gloves, then you're glove stuff. Huh. I could go back and read a bunch of Absorbing Man comics, but I don't think I have any, other than the ones Dean Haspiel and I did a few years back, the ones that were released to the sound of chirping crickets. I put him in there because he's a crazy-ass character and has a neat visual. And he carries a wrecking ball. Day-am!

There's another Marvel villain guy what carries a wrecking ball, a member of The Wrecking Crew, he's called Wrecking Ball or Power Ball or Something- Ball, I don't remember. The Wrecking Crew is a gang of bad guys run by a guy who would be a great partner for Creel -- he's called The Wrecker (Get it? The Wrecker? Wrecking Crew? Hey, it gets better, The Wrecking Crew all carry construction worker tools! It's really kinda cool and awesome if you think about it and then stop thinking about it). The Wrecker is another badass with a lousy attitude, an ugly face, a weird outfit, and an iconic weapon, in this case a Magic Crowbar (I say thee YES!). Anyway, these two Heroclix figures have a lot in common and should team up, if they haven't already. I trust someone will edumicate me on this crucial point of U.S. History (meaning, please feel free tom inform me of any past exploits these two fictitious characters may have had together, in a less tender and caring manner of speaking than most would use). I like the guys that carry an iconic, cool weapon, it's kind of like those martial arts flicks where there's a tournament and everyone brings their crazy cutlery. Scimitars, light-reflecting shield with razor edge, flying guillotine (HOLY YES!). I dig that a lot.

Wrapping Up: I found this drawing while clearing up the office last night, and so here you go. The Absorbing Man. Another in a series of whatever this is a series of. I'd write more, and write more clearly, and perhaps tie everything into my opening sentence like a real writer of essays and crap does, but I'm late for dinner and this is stupid enough as it is.

Good evening, True Believers, wherever you are.

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